Think like a queen. A queen if not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness. – Oprah
When I was a child, I'd eagerly jump in front of a school hall full of people and preform my heart out. Dancing around the stage, as a wicked pirate - Winklepoo for one of Joy Cowleys plays.
I'd introduce myself with no hesitation and quickly make best friends with other kids I'd never met... ALL THE TIME!
I'd confidently climb the highest tree I could find without even thinking about falling.
I'd stand up for myself, and ask questions... LOTS OF THEM!
I'd try my hardest at sports, school work, and life, and not even think about the possibility of failure.
I totally believed in my capacity and capability to master ANYTHING!
I didn't mind feeling uncomfortable. In fact, that was fun!
Confidence was abundant!
Confidence was me!
Confidence was ingrained in my mind!
And then I got older...
and had children...
and often, I would find that I was second guessing myself
I was being overly cautious.
I wasn't always standing up for myself or vocalising my thoughts.
I let things slide because I didn't want to cause a scene.
I didn't always take opportunities in case I failed.
I had desire - but not action.
I was worried about been liked and what others thought of me.
I was hesitant...
The confidence thief had somehow entered my world...
For those of you who have met me will know (or assume) that "mostly" I'm still confident... But, sometimes what people see externally though is actually not what's going on in my mind! There are definitely times that I am quaking in my boots with self-doubt and uncertainty. There are definitely times where that confidence thief has stolen from me...
So what the hell is confidence?
the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something."we had every confidence in the staff"synonyms:trust, belief, faith, credence, conviction; Moreantonyms: distrust, scepticism
the state of feeling certain about the truth of something."I can say with confidence that I have never before driven up this street"
a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."she's brimming with confidence"synonyms:self-assurance, self-confidence, self-reliance, belief in oneself, faith in oneself, positiveness, assertiveness, self-possession, nerve, poise, aplomb, presence of mind, phlegm, level-headedness, cool-headedness, firmness, courage, boldness, mettle, fortitude"she's brimming with confidence"antonyms:doubt, uncertainty
So, why is it that often we can't have faith in or rely on ourselves???
Do you consistently have appreciation of your own abilities and qualities???
And when and why the hell did I let that confidence thief in??
You know what? You can find that confidence again - I promise you... Confidence is not innate!
People grow in confidence by doing and then learning.
In their book, "The Confidence Code", Katty Kay and Claire Shipman spoke with neuroscientists and psychologists researching aspects of confidence and human behaviour whose findings indicate that confidence is linked to what we believe - and do.
You have to believe you have the capacity to succeed, you have to take action, to be willing to learn from mistakes, seeing them as stepping stones to succeeding, and you have to build your mastery through practice while learning through failures.
People who seemingly lack confidence may hold a belief in their own lack of effectiveness. They believe they aren't capable; therefore they avoid challenges, take the easy route, and dwell on negative results.
Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control. - Richard Kline
So how do we say SCREW YOU to the confidence thief?
Below are 5 easy tips you can do right now to start rebuilding your confidence muscle.
Re-read these tips every morning this week to make sure you are prepared for the day ahead!
1. Hold your head up high and walk tall.
This will feel a little funny at first. Especially if you are one of those people who walks down the street, head down, staring at the gum that's made the footpath it's home. You will probably notice that all of a sudden your head is back down staring at that damn gum. That's ok, because you are now aware of holding your head high... just lift you eyes again, hold your head high and walk tall. You will be surprised (now that you are aware), that it doesn't take to long to make this a habit.
2. Smile at at-least 10 random strangers a day.
While you are now holding your head high, you may find that you catch the eyes of random strangers more frequently. Make it a challenge to smile at at-least 10 random strangers a day in passing. This tiny action can have an awesome chain-reaction, for yourself and others!
3. Write down 25 things that you really love about yourself.
You don't have to do these all at once. But aim to get at least 25 things written down this week. These can be big things or little things such as 'I love the colour of my eyes', 'I make a wicked spag bowl' , or 'I love that I can be soooo patient with my children even when they are being totally ridiculous'.
4. Go through your clothes and dress nicely!
Dressing nicely will be different for everyone! But feeling good about what you are wearing can hugely boost you confidence. I'm not saying that you need to be dressed super fancy, or wear at $300 coat on the daily. This could just be t-shirt and jeans that make you feel good about yourself. So take some time and go through your wardrobe and throw out, giveaway, donate, or store all the clothes that you know you don't feel good in, or that wouldn't be your pick to "dress nicely".
5. Change one small habit.
Not something huge like quitting smoking. But something small, like getting up when your alarm goes off. Having a bottle of water with you at all times. Taking a shopping list to the supermarket. Not scrolling your phone in bed. Pick something that is small and super doable! Do it for a month! You will feel awesome!